My 3-D is not Superiority

When publicising my third of a trilogy XaW Files: Beyond Humanity I described it as the culmination of a decade of travelling, decade of further education and decade of creative writing.

This is one way of living your life. I don’t claim it’s the best; just the way I wanted to live mine.

Three Decades, Mental Escapades

There was no life-plan at the start of it. In fact, when I started travelling I just planned to travel Europe and then follow Kerouac’s journey across America to California, where L.A. Metal was in full flow. Instead, I ventured into Africa’s tip in Egypt, and then went to Asia and Australia. So the Americas were the last highly populated continents I visited, and L.A. Metal had died down by the time I reached California.

Having accomplished my travel ambitions I looked for a new challenge, and entered further education. I didn’t expect to be accepted into the University of Leeds from my Access Course, and was delighted when I made it. I only expected to do a BA, but was improving towards the end of it, so I continued to MA, and did well in that, so continued to a PhD. After doing well in the previous years I aimed to finish it before the three years expectation, but got bogged down in poor supervision in the first year, and maybe department/cultural politics, and it took five years. Two years of those were waiting for an appeal against not being upgraded after the first year, and officially I still finished in three years. I did continue doing some work in the two years I was off, so that helped towards my finish time; that’s me giving the whole picture, knowing it’s a negative for me, greenYgrey style. You can take up to five or six years anyway.

My creative writing decade also developed as it went along. I’d always wanted to emulate Kerouac and write a travel memoir, and had my first travel journey published after a few years. The poetry and fiction just developed out of that; the fantasy travel by Google Maps was just an escapist release and a bit of fun at first, but developed into the main interest over my fifth decade in life.

One Way, In and Out Tray

I consider myself successful in the life I’ve led, and resent it when men try and assess me in their mental context, making out I’m a failure because I don’t have much social power, materialism and relatively little money. Ironically, some of them were the best anarchist hippies! Seeing those who’ve now become Nazi-style Zionist-haters I think they probably made the right decision!!

I know now that some ‘negatives’ aren’t necessarily being malicious towards me, it’s just that they don’t have the mental capacity to imagine any mind other than their own: they can only see the world one way, in line with their ambitions.

I also resent the ‘upwardly mobile’ women who think I want to be with them, or that I’m unworthy because I don’t have social status. I’ve been trying to help the women of the world for the last decade, but most of them still try bringing a sexual reason into it, when I have no interest in them. They are either unable or unwilling to accept my human support, and still want to see the world through their blinkered sexist viewpoints: men just want to use them, and they just want to use men.

The conformist suburban lifestyle was anathema to the 1950s Beats, but Kerouac ended up living a similar life. I think I know how he felt now, as the ambitions and testosterone of youth fade, and you become calmed into watching the world rather than thinking you can shape it significantly. So I don’t think I was necessarily wrong in thinking the way I did during the conception and early years of the greenYgrey; it was just the time of my life, rather than the time of the world. I obviously used to think more out of myself and into the world, and now think more from the world into myself.

Enlightenment, age, mental health or reason? I don’t know, but I do know the brain is a much more complex, powerful and unknown organ than I ever imagined in my youth; and that’s from learning the newest science rather than experience.

Don’t Care about Hair

I also resent the world women who think that I was supporting them because I wanted to be with them. That was one of the reasons for the growth in the greenYgrey Y, and my celibacy: to try and show how I don’t care about seeing hair myself, and if any hair does brighten my mood at all it is yellow female hair, followed by light brown hair. I don’t really care if it’s natural or dyed. I think female hair is nice, especially when long, but it isn’t a big issue, and clothes and footwear are generally what makes women look sexy. Hair is just natural.

I also resent people who think only of sex and race themselves and try and project that onto my writing. I liked Kerouac because of his travel and writing, not his sexuality. While the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll lifestyle was part of the appeal of heavy rock and metal, I grew out of that at least a decade ago, and have been trying to keep the greenYgrey a serious parody comedy project, avoiding sex, but appreciating adult female beauty when I think it is in line with my tastes.

I have an ‘oh no’ feeling now when I see somebody in public life has something similar to somebody I know, like even a name, as I expect the people I know to think I’m writing about them! I’m trying to write big ideas in a big world. Everything influences me, but I try and only write about people in ‘public life’ and that doesn’t include people I know who think they’re Facebook and Twitter celebrities!

And I’m self-a-were critical enough to know that could still include me!!

Your 3-D is Your Superiority

While I consider myself to have led a good and inspirational life in some ways, greenYgrey style, I know others can look at it critically, thinking me selfish and lazy, as the 1950s/1960s counter-culture is often depicted by critics.

As sportspeople can either play for lots of football clubs, or become a legend at one, I can see how people can value those who stay in one place, and work for their community all their lives. I am writing for those who feel the need to explore their mind, life and the world, not for those who have little interest in it.

I feel like using one of my favourite movie quotes, from the Magnificent Seven, with the Charles Bronson character saying the farmers were the real heroes, but I don’t really feel like making some of them even more egotistical and righteous. Sometimes the local people can be the problem, whether it’s in the inner cities or rural areas.

Maybe my ‘enlightenment’ is just reaching the middle-age centre where many people live their lives all the time. Like many philosophical thinkers, I have probably lived a better theoretical life, looking out to the world and hoping for a future utopia, while others have lived a better ‘human’ life within their family and community. That’s only the ones who haven’t cheated and lied, and put themselves first while playing the great social philanthropist; saying it’s all for their family, community etc.

I guess what I’m trying to say, greenYgrey style, is that there are good and bad people everywhere, and good and bad ways of living your life, both for yourself and others. It’s up to you what type of life you want to lead, if you have that freedom, and I can’t choose your life for you.

I can only give my opinion from my 3-D of adult life, trying to be true to my doctor of philosophy award, and giving the tax-paying public some value for money… and trying to sell some books or loans in line with my self-employed writer status!

More Inspiring People Than Me

There are more inspiring people than me fighting illnesses and handicaps every day; or being faster, stronger or harder working; which make me defensive about what I think I am doing right. That’s trying to write truthfully to create a better world, especially for those who think similarly to me, but also for animals, environment, women and children that are not my natural allies and readership.

Nobody can do anything without some personal motive, not even Mother Theresa or Princess Diana, because there’s always some pleasure and satisfaction from philanthropy, even if there’s no financial or status rewards. I’ve been trying to keep my writing as ethical as possible, helping those I consider worthy, for the good of them and the future of our planet that we all share.

Sometimes, critical writing means that I don’t look as nice as somebody who just ignores everything, but if everybody ignored everything, I think more places would soon look like the streets of Syria.

Greater Good Guide Dog Gifts

I saw this necklace on the Greater Good online shop a few days ago, and thought it was a great greenYgrey design.

Free Necklace**

There are many others on there, such as this Sweet Yellow Ivy necklace.

Guide Dogs Shop

In Blighty, how about this solar window thermometer, available at the Guide Dogs dogalogue shop, so you can see the temperature, while at the same time seeing how greenYgrey it is.

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This has been a non-profit, non-charity charity-promotion blog post.


For the Ideal European State… of Mind

For those following the best peaceful path to where their mind feels at home… the real ‘counter-culture’ based on inward searching, abstract creation and outward understanding… care for life on Earth while accepting we are just a small speck of dust in the vastness of time and space infinity… am I at my destination now or still travelling? Maybe I reached the end of the long haul train ride, and now I’m on the country lanes in a mini-bus, seeing the lights go on as the sun sets, and dusk descends… a time of contemplation while still experiencing more Jimi… although the song remains the same Led Zep… and a mercedes just overtook us Janis…

For the older people: I have found enjoyment in running and writing, and that’s what I now recommend.
For the ‘youf’: I know I’m now old.

Marc better than Mourinho… on Paper

While there’s a lot of talk about the return of Jose Mourinho to British football, there is none about who is the better football manager: Mourinho or Marc. This blog features self-parody comedy, built on truthful information. Its ultimate claim is that I, Marc, am better than Mourinho… on paper.

Opening Day Disasters

This is a long story, but I’ll try and make it as short as possible. It probably starts last season, when Mourinho had a better season than me. Then on the opening day of this season we both had disasters. The difference is, that I bounced back, while Mourinho went into terminal decline.

Mourinho seemed to want to win the first game of the season at all costs, maybe feeling the need to better last season, maybe going for a winning season at home or in all games, or maybe just wanting to get off to a good start, and build a strong lead at the top of the table before the Champions League.

Whatever his reasons, Mourinho lost his cool with physio Eva Carneiro, ignoring the Hazard warnings, and never seemed to regain his aura of previous seasons afterwards.

I also had a disastrous opening weekend, picking my team influenced by Arsenal’s strong end of last season showing. My hopes for a better season seemed dashed at the first hurdle. However, I took the advice of the Match of the Day 2 analysts and included Dimitri Payet in my plans after that, as he’d starred in the game. He has since been one of my stars of a successful season.

I didn’t think Leicester would be as successful as they have been, but I did have my maximum three of their players too. I remembered Rihad Mahrez’s speed and shooting power from the end of last season. Robert Huth has become a star, even though I missed his three goals as I had him as sub! I had Wes Morgan as my third player at the start, but swapped him for Jamie Vardy when Leicester couldn’t stop scoring or letting goals in! Recently, it’s gone the other way around, with their defence stronger than attack, again showing how things can change over a season.

So while Mourinho was sliding down to the relegation zone before leaving, my team was climbing the table.

I don’t know if they are good picks for the remaining games of the season for those who think I’m giving tips away! I’m still a Leeds supporter too, and was relieved they won 3 (a greenYgrey3?: no, can’t start claiming credit for influencing wins, although maybe the players heard about the blog, and stopped believing they were jinxed, as players often play better or worse under certain managers or conditions?) big games after I last blogged about them. Returning to greenYgrey wordplay and colours, Leicester starts with an Le like Leeds, and their away strip is very Leeds-like, and they’re a smaller ground club, so I’m thinking it is a case of what might have been… and could be…

Serious Point of Parody

While people reading this blog for the first time might think the above is slapstick humour at best, which can be the funniest sometimes when done well, there is a more serious side to it.

Generally, the main serious point is probably that you shouldn’t give up when all seems lost. Time usually provides new opportunities even when you can’t see any way out of a bad situation.

Personally, Mourinho and all the other proper managers in professional football are of course better than me now, because they’ve spent their lifetimes in it. But there’s a ‘but if…’

But if I’d passed my trial with Newport County back around 1980, and spent my life in football, might I be a top manager now?

But then there’s a lot of counter ‘but ifs’. I probably wouldn’t have gone to university then, and become a trained analyst. Maybe I’d be an ‘old school’ manager, not believing in new fads, like statistics, and depending totally on my playing experience.

Creative Writers and Football Managers

Another serious point is that football management is like writing in that way. People like me who have a good season think they could do it full-time, and it’s probably the same for people with full-time writing. People think that if they write a good letter, or know something a journalist doesn’t, then they should be that profession.

Maybe they could, or could have been, but most professions are as much about experience as potential. It’s also about being able to do it most of the day, and most days. The novelty soon wears off when it gets down to the nitty gritty; when you have to continue working when you don’t want to; trying to outdo each day’s coffilosophy; and doing the jobs you don’t like (editing rather than creating for me).

So, this season I think I am without doubt a better manager than Mourinho; relatively speaking at least. But so are most of the other managers in the world: on paper, verbally and on the field.

Will Mourinho bounce back? It depends on him, but also on the people and circumstances around him.

That’s one of the reasons I much prefer fantasy football management to how I imagine the real: while there is ‘luck’ involved in FFM, with events in games or injuries to players, generally it’s a fair playing field, with no influence by other humans, and ultimately all on paper (computer screens!).

Bipolar Mind Extremes of Solitary Writer

New Controversial Thoughts

I know it’s good
to be humble
but hard when great.
I think I’m great
enough to succeed
in being humbly good.

However, inspired by the Socrates assertion that the wisest people know how little we really know, here’s a self-deprecating paradoxical rhyming statement to balance the above self-parody fun boasting verse:

I am so ignorant
I think I’m intelligent.

Charity, Music and Writing

I must admit, I didn’t watch any BBC Sport Relief last night, although I did see Harry Gration and Paul Hudson finish their three-legged walk at a very greenYgrey finishing line in York on the local news. They raised about £200,000, so congratulations to them.

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The music played was David Bowie’s Heroes, which was a central song to The Perks of Being a Wallflower; about a burgeoning writer with mental health issues; and cited in XaW Files: Beyond Humanity.

I hope Sport Relief was an entertaining success, and liked the Michael Crawford Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em sketch I saw on the news this morning. I grew up on the BBC and ITV, so of course they have been great influences on me. I recently watched From Andy Pandy to Zebedee: The Golden Age of Children’s Television

Lone Writer and Musician Criticising Themselves and Humanity

While I’d like to be a nice charity-fundraiser, I also try to make a difference by writing and creating, which often means searching deep into the psyche, where the world isn’t so nice and straightforward. Like a couple of creatives I recently saw interviewed:

Watching an Artsnight interview with Norwegian author, Karl Ove Knausgaard, I related to his autobiographical fiction on the surface, but I’ve never read his books. I didn’t hear anything that sounded better than my writing when he read extracts, but maybe his books go deeper into reality, and are more controversial? He did study literature in Bergen, so is probably more expert than me. He has become a literary sensation anyway, and good luck to him. It’s on BBCiplayer, but I didn’t see it on YouTube. There are lots of other interviews of his on there.

I recently watched a Henry Rollins Hard Talk interview, which I related to from my ‘youth’. Henry is still on the far left, and is happy living a solitary life in his 50s. He’s still on the far left, while I’ve moved to the centre, mostly influenced by change happening too fast in Blighty, which was apparently how Atticus Finch felt in To Kill a Mockingbird sequel Go Set a Watchman. I haven’t read either of them either, but watched the former’s movie!

I don’t think I could create music like Rollins or do spoken word as good, but could probably learn to get by with the latter, as Knausgaard said he has learnt to do. But first and foremost, I think my best strength is my writing, and hope more people will think so too… one day…

The Henry Rollins interview is on YouTube:

Sport Relief: Risking Competitive Men Gay Card and Unisex Selfish One

It’s Sport Relief weekend in Blighty, and the BBC is doing and looking good raising lots of money for charity. As a greenYgrey critical writer I feel I should make the observation that the BBC didn’t look good hiding Savile and Hall for decades, but maybe now it’s time to move on, after more than a year since the stories were revealed, and inquiries conducted (but with nobody up above found culpable!).

All Workplaces Have Bullying and Grooming Hierarchy?

In my experience, all workplaces have some men like Savile and Hall, and some women acting like men like Savile and Hall. It was true in the university and is in my day-job, and particularly my final uni department and previous workplace shop. Moreover, when you point that out, other tutors and workers close ranks, protecting the groomers, as BBC workers seem to have done with Savile and Hall: as if protecting the grooming culture they feel is their right, and a perk of the job.

They act as if it’s a victimless crime, and remembering greenYgreyism looking at all angles, some students and workers probably do use it to get ahead, and as long as they receive some reward they are happy to keep quiet. This kind of relationship is often only revealed when it falls apart, as in the case of Liberal politician Chris Huhne’s wife taking driving penalty points for him until he left her for another woman, and then she brought his career down.

However, some students and workers are totally preyed upon. I felt so disillusioned with university I was depressed. I have felt the same in the workplace since leaving university. Considering myself bipolar I think I can handle the downs, as I’m used to them. Others do not have such experience. A normal aged student killed herself while working in a shop I later worked in. I only found out about it because there was a caricature of her still in the staff area, and I asked about her: it would have been more eerie if she didn’t look in line with my ideal tastes. I don’t know what caused her to take her own life, but the longer I think about it, the more I think it was either caused by university or work, or a combination of the two, and a realisation of how horrible the ‘real world’ can look. Was there bullying and harassment, grooming and gratification involved? I don’t know, but I know I have felt similarly in both cultures.

As the BBC case shows, I don’t think it is to do with geographical region, and is instead a common factor in human cultures, with workplaces one of the worst breeding grounds. I thought university would be a further escape from ‘reality’, as travelling had been, but found that universities are more in line with the ‘real world’ than they looked in the 1960s to 1980s heydays; which was probably because they then enjoyed government funding, with good jobs for students almost guaranteed afterwards, so there was a more relaxed attitude. Now they have become more like competitive businesses.

Sport Relief

Anyway, I have digressed. I just wanted to say that I have been impressed with Harry Gration and Paul Hudson doing a three-legged charity walk around beautiful Yorkshire this week, and Eddie Izzard running 27 marathons in 27 days in amazing South Africa for Sport Relief.

I know there are people doing great events around Britain and the world, but those are the two that I have noticed. They are three middle-aged men like me, but the criticisms above mostly concern that demographic too, and have taken up much more of this blog post. I am different to them in still being poor, but would be the archetypal white middle-aged middle-class man hated by the ‘counter-culture’ if I did earn more; with Zionism thrown in to make me the absolute most hated, which is how the negatives try and depict me now anyway!!

Not all people of any demographic are bad, or good; or people totally good or bad; and that includes mine and me, although my sporting endurance charity focus was inspired by Jane Tomlinson in 2003. I am currently fundraising for her legacy charity, but today the focus in Blighty should be Sport Relief charity fundraising.

Sorry for all the negative rambling, and I think Blighty is a pretty good country, but it is the duty of writers, and especially trained critical writers, to try and make it even better.

X-Files Series ‘I Want to Believe’ Poster Mystery Explained

The X-Files series finished on Channel 5 in the U.K. last Monday night. While the X-Files mystery continues, a U.F.O. mystery I wondered about in a previous blog may have been solved.

I Want to Believe Poster

At the end of the third X-Files episode, which had a lot of common themes with the greenYgrey, such as a were being the goodie, and wanting to avoid conflict with humanity (by the way, the 4th episode seemed to be dedicated to Banksy, with a street art theme, so maybe they did dedicate 3 to greenYgrey, as it was once inspired by Banksy, and Banksy seemed to be inspired by old-fashioned greenygrey for last year’s dismaland theme park), I noticed there was a yellow U.F.O. hovering around the green and grey I Want to Believe poster:

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At the start of Episode 6, Dana Scully sat in front of the poster, and the yellow objects were on the poster again, but in different positions.

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Rewinding to when Scully entered the room, the objects viewed from the side suggest they are pencils.

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Taking narcissistic artistic licence, maybe it is the makers of X-Files requesting a greenYgrey 4 book? Especially as the poster follows a 3-headed lamp?

Probably not, but maybe that’s why Gillian Anderson was undecided about whether she’ll take part in any more X-Files series. Maybe they’re waiting for more inspiration from the greenYgrey or XaW world!

The ideal accompaniment to the new X-Files series:

Available to buy or borrow on Amazon and all great big bookshops.